The wagon had a flat

Well, I didn't completely fall of the wagon, but let's just say it had a flat. Tuesday and Thursdays nights are busy for me. I leave work, then have 2 hour long appointments and don't finish until 9. I have about an hour in between work and my first appointment and then about 45 minutes to get to my second, but 30 minutes of that is driving.

This has been like this for at least a year. I KNOW my schedule, yet I failed to plan ahead. Part of the addiction cycle is self defeat and I have that one down pat.

I got home late from work and only had time to change, plus I wasn't hungry. I started to get hungry during my first appointment. Knowing that I didnt want to eat dinner at 9, I decided that I needed to eat. Normally, I could go to the co-op or even whole foods and get salad, but on these nights I don't have time.

I decided to go to Qdoba knowing that it would be dangerous. I actually made out better than I thought, but still could have been better. Here is what I had:

• A "naked" burrito bowl (no tortilla)
• no rice
• black beans (they assured me these were vegetarian)
• fajita veggies (these were oily and tasted bad)
• lettuce
• corn salsa
• pico de gallo
• hand smashed quacamole

The above would have been fine, but my addictive side took over and I ignored the voice in the back of my head that was screaming at me NO NO NO and ordered the corn chips with Pico de gallo.

The burrito bowl was oily and tasted funny, the corn chips were bitter and really, really salty. In fact the entire meal was salty. Ridiculously salty.

I went to my appointment and my stomach felt horrible. I was beyond full even though I didn't really eat that much as far as bulk. There was a moment that I thought I was going to puke. Yuck.

Today I woke up with stomach cramps and a back ache (maybe unrelated, maybe not) and my allergies were bothering me.

It is now 10:30 and I'm not even close to being hungry.

The good news is that two weeks ago, I would have let this set me back and would have said, ahhh fuck it, I might as well binge....this time is different. My body is becoming more sensitive and I am hyper-aware of how bad I feel when I abuse my body with nasty SAD (standard american diet) food. This is great and is new.

I am left with knowing that I can do this. I will do this. Today is a good day.