Good, bad, and in Between

Yesterday was a roller coaster ride. I woke up feeling so great and felt great until about 5pm, when I started to get cravings. What did me in was a picture of a giant cheeseburger, dripping with mayo, cheese, bacon, and grease, and the glorious white buns.

Okay, I know that if I ate the burger, not only would it taste terrible, it would make me feel sick. I have food sensitivities to dairy and wheat, so even before becoming vegan, eating like that made me sick. It took me years to realize why I felt bad all the time - tired and stuffy, with constant heartburn, moody too.

I suppose the cravings to the cheeseburger are a product of toxic hunger, detox, and food addiction. I started to wonder what else was going on for me, like this thought that I will feel better if I eat the cheeseburger. It just came to me as I am typing this. Yesterday morning I felt great. I mean great. Better than I have felt in a long time. No aches, no allergies, lots of energy, no self loathing. That is why I wanted the burger. Self sabotage. I am afraid to feel good, afraid to succeed. I need to keep addressing this issue and now that I am not medicating with food, I know that I will conquer it.

The great news is that I didn't go out and buy a cheeseburger.

I was really hungry when I got home from work, but this may have been a product of the addiction and the cheeseburger incident and not true hunger. I went the the cupboard and grabbed my g/f's tortilla chips and started eating them. I was about 10 chips in when I realized what I was doing. I was just stuffing them in my mouth. I put the bag away and took my dogs for a walk. This allowed me to get my head on straight.

For dinner I had a blended salad of Romaine, 2 oranges, a few cashews, 1tbs of blood orange vinegar, and a cucumber. I had to add a little water as it was way to thick. It was really yummy!

I had more cravings last night as my housemate made popcorn. I couldn't take it and know that I once again gave into toxic hunger. I made some popcorn, but without oil. I sprayed it lightly with Braggs and then added some mato zest. It was a great treat. I also had an apple with a tsp of almond butter.

I realize that the snacking is not part of the plan and have been good until last night. I still feel good though. I could have had the cheeseburger and fallen off completely, but didn't.

Today is a new day and so far I feel pretty good.